05 December 2013

#fridayflash: drone

I don't like to be handed things. It's so diminishing. It is! It puts you below the person who's doing the handing, if even for a moment. I can't afford that.

I know people think it's pretentious to say things like this, but I really am a busy, important person. I've had my staff trained to leave what I've asked for, where I've asked for it. I have designated locations in each of the rooms I use regularly. The guest apartments? Well if they're guest apartments, I wouldn't be using them, would I?

Every second counts. We each only get one life. The ability to focus, for there to be a purpose to every moment I spend — and that includes leisure time, because resting mindfully is vitally important if one wants to be a fully functioning human being — that's where I put all my energy. Everything else is superfluous.

Before we go on — is the video link working? The light's good, we don't need to adjust the angles or anything? All right. Because going by the satellite map, it's only half a kilometre away... there. Can you hear it? That burring sound... 250 metres... there! It should be on the camera now...

And there you have it, the first-ever drone delivery pizza. Not touched by human hands since it left the oven, arrived twenty minutes after order, and of course all prepaid. One just pushes this red button, here, and removes the box, so.

They must have put extra toppings on for the demonstration. That's a heavy box! Sorry? Oh, yes, I suppose I could open it and take a bite. To be honest, these days I tend to only eat clean, dairy and gluten don't really agree with my system, but of course visibility is important. We'll have to cut all this last part out, so.... Here, I'm just going to angle the box so the logo shows better — how's that? All right, now I need to angle myself, just let me shift the chair a little and...

That's odd. Are you picking that up, the sound? No?

Maybe this one had a defective keep-warm widget.

Pardon? Oh, the box. It's the pizza box that's making a sound.

It's a sort of ticking noise.

All right, I'm going to count to five, and then I'll silently count to three, and then we'll take the scene from there.

One, two, three, four...


  1. My mother has been fuming because for the last two days FedEx has promised to deliver a package and demanded she be home. They can't seem to find the right house. It puts all the Amazon drone chatter in a different frame.

    And I will neither confirm nor deny whether I would eat an exploding pizza.

  2. No need to ask what inspired your story this week lol. Pizza by drone is a great idea.

  3. Ticking packages? Someone as (self-)important as our narrator would not be immediately suspicious?

    It's a pretty cool idea, though. But living as far out in the woods as I do, there isn't much of a chance of drone delivery.

    Clever story. I like how it unfolds.

    1. Yeah, I thought about that when I was writing it, and then I remembered Cillian Murphy's billionaire from Inception, and the real-life example of Indira Gandhi getting assassinated by her own bodyguards. It seems like people who live in those sorts of bubbles are very trusting of people who present themselves as persons of certain types of expertise, but at the same time as subservient.

  4. Pizza not touched by human hands since the oven :-) Fun story. Love the remarks on eating prefs and logo position.

  5. Nice one. Hey, it just occurred to me that if the drone carried a pizza oven so it could bake on the way delivery could be even faster! I'm off to make my millions now....

  6. Hehe!! I like the idea of the delivery system, I think I may try it when it's available, I just hope it won't cost a bomb. :)

  7. I'm waiting for them to deliver nachos. All I'm saying... :)

  8. I thought the choice of words "we'll take the scene from there" toward the end was interesting, potentially adding another layer. Cool idea for a flash.

  9. I loved the idea of pizza delivery by drone - excellent idea!

  10. This character seems perfect for drone deliveries, but that ticking in the pizza box doesn't bode well for repeat customers! Fun.

  11. Good one. I found that the narrative caused me to feel a bit uneasy and confused from the beginning, which led nicely into the clarifying ending.

  12. I can't help but wonder who will be controlling the airspace as thousands of drones zip around delivering everything to everyone. Perhaps a new sort of thief will come into play, one who is adept at shooting them down and making off with the contents...unless, of course, they hit one which is ticking...

  13. I think you could only get away with a narrator like this in a short piece. She's wonderfully irritating!


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